Thoughts on the “now”

What if the present moment were a place, not a time?

I’ve been practicing mindfulness for a while but I admit I’ve had some difficulties with it.
Being present hasn’t always felt safe for me. As a child, I developed the habit of escaping the now. I would constantly daydream so as to avoid my unpleasant reality. Elsewhen, in the future was my happy place. This has served me well in my practice of conscious manifestation, though. I’m so good at mentally checking out of the present and choosing an imagined happier time to experience that my visualization and emotional connection to those realities draw them in.
Neville Goddard referred to this as ‘living in the end’. Meaning, occupying the mental space of having achieved and received that which we desire. This resonated a lot for me but it created a bit of conflict: how do I reconcile living in the end and living in the now? What if I don’t like or want the now?

I read the Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle and I still struggled with the notion that “now” could always be good. I admit that when I’m anxious about the future or regretful about the past, finding myself in the now is helpful… but only when my current reality is stable. What happens when now is chaos? When my bills are unpaid now, when my child is having a tantrum now, when my relationship is collapsing or my car is broken down on the side of the road or I burned dinner now? What about when I’m being attacked, abused or threatened in the now?

I like to use the affirmations
“In this moment, I am safe. In this moment, I am loved. In this moment, I have all I need.” And they really work because it’s been true in my reality.
But I’ve always wondered, how does this work for someone who has a different reality. Someone with no support system, little to no money, no safe place to sleep…
How could we find peace in the present when our present isn’t peaceful?

Because we are taught that time is linear, we see the present as a point in time. I’m learning that now is more like a focal point in a very busy picture. Everything is happening at once, in realms seen and unseen, spiraling around us, like a tornado and “now” is the calm center. Now isn’t about my observable reality, circumstances or situation. I’m not safe because I have food and shelter. I’m not loved because I have family and friends. My needs aren’t met because I have money. This would imply that my affirmations stop being true when my circumstances inevitably change.
I used to settle in and focus on all the things that are going my way in life and I thought that was me being in the now. I would say “I have all I need” while holding an image in my head of my apartment, my fridge and cupboards full of food, light, running water, my possessions...
I’d say “I am loved” while imagining the people who show up to support and care for me and I thought that was ‘presence’.
My reality can’t be the thing that keeps me centered and grounded.

My revelation is that Now is about truth, not reality.
The present moment is that space in which we connect with the truth of who we are, at our core, in a realm where the outside world doesn’t matter or even exist.
The present moment is a sacred space within.
What it actually means to be present is to become aware of my body, my breath, my heartbeat and to work my way inward until I feel my essence.
When I go deep and stay perfectly still, I reconnect with my limitless supply that is always accessible.
I realized that the “here and now” is really just me. 

When I say “In this moment, I am safe” it’s because I am my own sanctuary.
When I say “In this moment, I have all I need”, it’s because I am all I need.
When I say “In this moment, I am loved”, it’s because I am love.

So then, there is actually no difference, no separation between the present moment and the end.
Just as living in the present isn’t about current reality, living in the end is not about a future reality. It’s about living in the space of abundance and clarity, outside of reality altogether. When I choose the present moment, I choose to take a break from engaging with the world, with the scenarios I’m projecting for myself, the illusion of reality, the duality and contrast of human existence…
When I choose the present, I emotionally disconnect from what appears, has appeared and will appear in life. I turn instead to what is. And what is, is simply unconditional love and infinite potentiality.

And that is the power and beauty of Now.