no, thank you pt 1

I don’t know if I believe that the Universe tests us. It doesn’t feel aligned for me but… it does something.

When I first decided to become a professional coach, within the first 3 months of my training, I received half a dozen job offers. I didn’t apply to any. I wasn’t looking for work. I had no desire to be anyone’s employee. I was focused and determined to start a private coaching practice. I made my intentions clear and took aligned action by following a dedicated program so I could gain the knowledge and skills to make it happen. So, how did I manifest opportunities for employment when that’s the complete opposite of what I wanted? Why?

Something similar happened a few months ago. I decided that I will no longer participate in romantic partnerships. I had absolutely no desire to be anyone’s girlfriend. I was focused on the other things I wanted to pour my love into. Within a few short months, I met someone amazing who not only wanted to date me, they wanted to marry me and adopt my son. Why the fuck would that come to me?
Just like with the job offers, this was a beautiful and even tempting opportunity. It made sense and it fit me, mostly...There was just one thing: I did not want it.

I remember having the same doubts in both situations. Is this a sign from the universe that I should be doing this instead? Maybe what I want isn’t what’s best for me. Maybe this is  redirection. But why would I be redirected towards misery? 
The company wasn’t the problem, my issue was having a 9-5, period.
The person isn’t the problem, my issue was being in a relationship.
I know these two things to be true, profoundly. So, I’m trying to work through why “temptation” shows up when I make a firm but unconventional decision for myself.

Maybe it comes from that space of doubt? Maybe I need to cement the “no” in real time.
Maybe, I attract the opportunity to say no to something good and healthy that just isn’t aligned.
It’s easy to leave a toxic work environment and it’s easy to say to people who aren’t good for me. But, saying no to good jobs and good relationships is maybe an experience I needed to have. Maybe this was meant for me to not run away from the pain, but to walk deliberately towards my truth. Maybe…